DEAR HARRIETTE: I grew up as an army brat, and while there were many positives to that experience, it also came with significant challenges that I’m still grappling with as an adult.
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My family moved frequently during my childhood — sometimes multiple times within a single year. Each time we moved, I had to leave behind friends, schools and communities I had just started to get comfortable with.
I learned to adapt quickly to new environments, but I never stayed anywhere long enough to develop deep, lasting friendships.
Now, as an adult, I’m realizing how much that transient lifestyle has shaped me in ways I didn’t fully understand before.
I find it difficult to make long-term connections with people. Even when I meet someone I get along with, I often hold back emotionally because I’m so used to the idea that relationships are temporary. I worry that I’ll come across as distant or uninterested, but the truth is, I’m just afraid of getting attached and losing someone again.
This struggle has left me feeling isolated, and I’m not sure how to break the cycle.
I want to build meaningful relationships, but I don’t know how to overcome the mental barriers I’ve built over the years. How can I work through these challenges and start forming deeper, more lasting connections with others?
— Making Friends
DEAR MAKING FRIENDS: The good news is you know why you have reservations about building lasting bonds: You moved all the time.
Are you now stationary? Have you been living in the same place for some time, and do you plan on staying there? If so, chances are great that the people you befriend will be staying there as well.
When you meet people you like, give each other grace. Perhaps this can be a meaningful friendship. Perhaps it can last. Trust your instincts. If you are getting along, believe that the connection will continue.
Consider getting therapy as well. A psychologist may be able to help you unlock those fears and create space for deeper trust.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has developed a passion for painting and dreams of becoming a professional artist.
While her work is full of creativity and potential, her relatives have been dismissive, insisting that she can’t make it big and discouraging her from pursuing art as a career.
Their words have shaken her confidence, making her doubt her ability to turn her passion into a successful profession.
Despite the criticism, she is determined to follow her dream, but it’s hard for her to tune out the negativity.
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I want to support her and help her stay focused on her goals, but I also worry about the challenges she might face in such a competitive field.
— Creative Dreams
DEAR CREATIVE DREAMS: I interviewed Phylicia Rashad about this topic a few weeks ago, and she said that art is the language of all cultures. When people look to understand what cultures valued and how they lived, they look at the art of that community.
Tell your friend that her art matters. She should research how she can earn a living making art. Many people do so successfully. Be her cheerleader.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
