DEAR HARRIETTE: This Thanksgiving was an absolute disaster.
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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year, and this holiday felt like the perfect time to introduce him to my family.
I was nervous because, while I love them, my family is known to be a little unconventional. They’re loud, opinionated and tend to say exactly what’s on their minds, no matter how inappropriate.
From the moment we walked in, it was like a circus. My uncle started grilling my boyfriend about his job and his plans for the future, and then my aunt jumped in to question him about his political beliefs right in the middle of dinner. My cousins thought it would be hilarious to share every embarrassing story they could think of about me, and my mom kept dropping hints about how she’s “ready for grandchildren.”
My boyfriend handled it all as well as he could, but I could tell he was overwhelmed.
I’m worried this whole experience might have left a bad impression on my boyfriend, and I feel embarrassed about how things turned out. I want him to feel welcomed by my family, but instead, it felt like he was under a microscope.
How can I smooth things over with him and also set some boundaries with my family for the future?
— Crossing the Line
DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: Since you already know what your family is like, you know that little that you say is going to get them to change. So don’t promise anything to your boyfriend about their behavior in the future.
Instead, you can apologize for how overwhelming the experience may have been for him. If he likes being with you and wants to get to know you and your family better, he will need to learn to spar with them in an amicable way and not get too defensive.
Ask him how he felt after the dinner and how he’s doing now. Find out if he is turned off by their behavior, or if he found it amusing. You never know. He may have some kooky family members, too, and he could be more OK with it than you think.
If there is a chance for him in your future, he is going to have to be able to spar with them on occasion.
DEAR HARRIETTE: After years of using traditional notebooks, I decided to transition to digital planning, especially as schools are now adapting to digital tools.
While I was excited about the potential for better organization, the switch hasn’t been as smooth as I hoped. I find myself missing the tactile joy of writing and feeling overwhelmed by learning new apps and systems.
I don’t want to give up, but I am starting to wonder if digital tools are truly the right fit for me.
The promise of efficiency and flexibility is tempting, yet the adjustment feels daunting. How can I embrace this change without losing the joy and comfort of my old ways?
— Digital Planning Dilemmas
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DEAR DIGITAL PLANNING DILEMMAS: Who says you have to choose? I use a mix of digital resources and old-fashioned notepads. This makes me feel comfortable and satisfies my desire to write things down.
The technology is wonderful for support in organizing thoughts, dates and details quickly. You can design the way you organize yourself using whatever combination of tools you desire!
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
