DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went on a first date with a guy, and I’m trying to decide if I should give him another chance.
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On one hand, he was kind and respectful toward me, which I really appreciated. However, there were a few things that made me feel unsure about whether I want to continue seeing him.
First, he invited me out for drinks, and I agreed. But when it came time to pay, he realized he’d forgotten his wallet.
It seemed like a genuine mistake, and he was really apologetic about it, but it still left me feeling a bit awkward. I ended up covering the bill, and he promised to make it up to me. While I understand that accidents happen, part of me couldn’t help but wonder if this was a red flag or just an unlucky situation.
Second, he mentioned that he’d had a really long and stressful day at work, and it definitely showed. There were moments during our date when he seemed a little distracted and out of it, almost like he wasn’t fully present. Again, I get that we all have off days, but it made it hard for me to feel like I got a real sense of his personality.
How do I know if I’m being too critical or if these are legitimate signs that we might not be a good match?
— What’s Next
DEAR WHAT’S NEXT: Think back on the date. What did you learn about him? Is he interesting? What did you like about his personality? Despite his lack of mindfulness, did anything stand out for you?
If not, just move on.
If you think there’s a chance you might like him, agree to a second date but do not pay for it. Watch to see if he offers to reimburse you for the first date, keeping in mind that he promised to do so.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance and I are planning our wedding, which is set to take place next year, but we’re struggling to agree on the location.
He’s been dreaming of a destination wedding in Italy, while I feel strongly about keeping it local to our home in South Dakota.
The idea of a wedding in Italy sounds beautiful; however, for me, practicality and family are what matter most. Both of our families live here in South Dakota, and hosting a local wedding would make it much easier and more affordable for everyone to celebrate with us.
My family, in particular, doesn’t have the financial means to travel to Italy. We come from a blue-collar background, so asking them to take on the cost of international flights, accommodations and other expenses isn’t realistic.
I’ve tried explaining to my fiance that if we choose Italy, many of my loved ones likely won’t be able to attend. The thought of them missing out on one of the most important days of my life makes me extremely sad.
While I want to respect his wishes and create a day that reflects both of our dreams, I can’t help but feel like a destination wedding might come at too great a cost.
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How can I get my future husband to be on board with a wedding in South Dakota?
— Location, Location, Location
DEAR LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION: A compromise could be to host the wedding at home and take your honeymoon in Italy. You could even invite a few friends who want to travel to join you for a party in Italy. That way you both get a touch of what each of you wants.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
