DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been having an argument for days now about something one of his friends did.
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We moved to a new apartment, and said friend has been here twice. Both times, he spent an hour or two with my husband, and then went outside to meet up with people he invited over.
They did not actually come in, they just stayed outside chatting, but it infuriates me that he is giving out our address to people whom 1. I do not know, and 2. we did not invite.
My husband says that where they are both from, it’s normal for people to do that, and it is not a big deal. I say it’s unsafe and also very rude.
This last time he was here, he also arrived three hours later than he said he would, at night.
I find him a very rude guest, and we have agreed not to have him over anymore.
Do you think I am overreacting, since these people he randomly invites to my home stay outside and don’t stay for a long time?
GENTLE READER: Does this friend not have a home to go to?
It seems odd to Miss Manners that he would otherwise invite people over to the outside of yours. In any case, she finds him an ill-mannered guest and your decision to cease inviting him a sound one.
If your husband wishes to continue the relationship, he can meet him outside another friend’s house.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I run a shop from my house. It’s mostly online, but occasionally I have customers make an appointment to visit “in store.”
Many of them will just text “I’m here” from their parked cars and stay there, waiting for some kind of invitation by text.
I think this is stupid and rude. I am in my “shop,” waiting for a knock at the door. When I get a text like this, I have to go to my phone to see the message, then go to the front door, only to find that no one is there. Sometimes they see me open the door, but still wait for me to text back, “Come to the door.”
Either way, I’m standing at my open door, waiting. I would like to tell them to grow up (some are even middle-aged!), but of course, I don’t want to drive away customers.
Is there a polite way to handle this but still get the point across that their behavior is weird and inconsiderate? If I try to preempt this by texting something like “Please ring doorbell when you arrive,” is that rude?
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GENTLE READER: While this shop-at-home arrangement might feel normal to you, well-intentioned people may find it intrusive. (Miss Manners will remind you that people now think it rude to make a telephone call without sending a text message first.)
Assuring your customers beforehand that it is fine to walk right up to the house will give them the permission they need. And more importantly, it will guard against them annoying you with all those unnecessary texts.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
