Miss Manners: They insist on calling me by my husband’s name — and I’m the rude one?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I kept my birth name when I got married 10 years ago. However, my parents insist on calling me “Mrs. Husband’s-Last-Name.”

Related Articles

Advice |


Miss Manners: She left in tears after ignoring my family’s food allergies

Advice |


Miss Manners: The letter said we should decline our friend’s invitation and not tell her why

Advice |


Miss Manners: What should I say to people who yell at me when I run?

Advice |


Miss Manners: Why must the bride’s family explain why people weren’t invited?

Advice |


Miss Manners: My husband’s friend invited strangers to hang around outside our home

They’ve used a variety of excuses — they were being polite to my husband (who, luckily, doesn’t appreciate their gesture), or they were keeping things simple for the mail carrier. They’ve even insisted that I am still “thinking” about changing my name and that they will use this in the interim.

This has gotten tricky when it has legal/financial consequences. They generously booked a trip for the extended family through their travel agent, but the name they booked doesn’t match any of my travel documents. I got mad at them, and they said I need to “just say thank you” and called me ungrateful.

What is the correct response that doesn’t leave me waving to them from the other side of the TSA line?

GENTLE READER: “If you could please use my legal name on any official documents, that would save us all a lot of confusion and paperwork.”

And then Miss Manners suggests you let them have their way for the less formal correspondence. At least for the time being.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a committed same-sex marriage. My spouse was invited to his friend’s upcoming wedding. I was not.

The bride even patted me on the shoulder at a recent celebration for her and her fiance and said, lightheartedly, “Sorry.” I just shrugged it off.

Weeks later, the bride told my spouse I was invited.

There is no doubt in my mind that this last-minute invitation is because someone on the A-list declined. I doubt any opposite-sex couples were treated the same way.

In any event, my questions are: 1. How offended should I be? and 2. Should I attend?

GENTLE READER: 1. Very. 2. Please see and assess No. 1.

Whether or not you attend is up to you. If you choose not to, Miss Manners will only ask you to resist giving the real reason why. Such a thoughtless bride will not register the slight anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I tell my friend to go away and leave me alone?

I need my alone time to recharge, but she will keep talking and bothering me, especially during lunch at the studio where I work.

She loves to eat spicy chips and they smell gross, and I don’t think she has ever chewed with her mouth closed. Other than that, she is a good friend.

Related Articles

Advice |


Dear Abby: The emojis in her text made me suspicious

Advice |


Asking Eric: I want to tell her she’ll be getting no more gifts from me

Advice |


Harriette Cole: He wants his whole family in the delivery room? Fine, if he’s pantsless.

Advice |


Miss Manners: She left in tears after ignoring my family’s food allergies

Advice |


Dear Abby: My friend’s visit turned into 15 hours of her talking at me

How do I tell her to just  go away when I want to eat my food in peace?

GENTLE READER: Tell her that meeting at the studio is not a viable option for you. It is your workplace and not a place you like to eat socially.

Then, just one time to show goodwill, offer to go out to lunch instead. Miss Manners cannot guarantee that your friend will keep her mouth closed while she eats there, either, but if you choose the restaurant wisely, perhaps you can avoid one that serves gross-smelling snacks.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

You May Also Like

More From Author