DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s a guy who seems to be interested in me. We have some mutual friends, and he’s been trying to interact via social media.
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We met formally for the first time a few weeks ago at a party we both attended. He seemed charming and articulate, and he even bought me and my sister some drinks.
The other night, I happened to see a disturbing photo of this young man online. He attended a Halloween party dressed — or not dressed — as a baby! He had on a diaper and a baby bonnet, and he had a large pacifier in his mouth. His upper body and legs were fully exposed.
Am I overreacting, or is this reason enough to dodge the first date he’s offered?
— Weird Costume
DEAR WEIRD COSTUME: Don’t consider his costume a dealbreaker; use it as a conversation starter. People dress up in all kinds of ways for Halloween.
Go out with the guy, and at a natural point, tell him you saw a funny picture of him. Ask him what possessed him to wear that costume. In fun, probe a bit more to find out what kinds of other wild things he has done.
Listen to get a sense of his personality. Relax and get to know each other.
His costume is not a warning sign of danger, but more an indicator of silliness.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever my girlfriend and I are intimate, she showers immediately after.
At first it was just her, but now she forces me to join her in a post-intercourse shower. In these showers, I’ve noticed that she scrubs relentlessly — ferociously, even. It scares me a bit because I wonder what she’s trying to get rid of or wash away.
She also changes the sheets as soon as we shower.
As you can imagine, this is a tedious routine to keep up with at night when all I want to do is pass out. What do you think all this is about?
— Clean Freak
DEAR CLEAN FREAK: Seems that your girlfriend has some deep-rooted discomfort about sexual intimacy. For some reason, she associates it with uncleanliness.
Perhaps something happened in her childhood that scarred her. Maybe she listened to religious dogma about having sex before marriage being a sin, and she is trying to wash the sin away. The only way you will know is to ask her.
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Be tender. Tell her you have noticed the things that she does after sex, and you want to know why she has these rituals. Invite her to talk about her feelings, and ask her about her sexual history, if you haven’t already.
Use this as the beginning of a conversation. It’s unlikely you will learn everything that is concerning her at first.
Over time, hopefully you will find the source of her issues and strike a comfortable balance so you can sleep. For example, suggest putting a towel on the sheets so you can take that away rather than all of the bedding.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
