DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his family live four hours away and visit often with our two grandchildren.
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One rule I have is no food or drinks in the living room or bedrooms. Growing up, we were never allowed to have food anywhere but on a table.
Their family are big fans of a certain coffee business, and during a recent visit, drinks from this business were brought into their bedroom. The younger child, who is sometimes silly and constantly jumping around, caused a spill on the carpet.
I had his sister and him clean up the mess. I ended up feeling stressed, angry and guilty. My son, on the other hand, just worried that his money and drinks were wasted.
It is a constant struggle when they visit, because the parents allow food and drinks in their rooms at home. They feel that my not allowing this is valuing my furniture over the kids’ comfort.
The grandkids also make their mom sleep on a cot while they take the guest bed. The mom goes along with it and never complains.
Am I wrong?
GENTLE READER: Your son cannot have his coffee and his jumping kids, too.
If he does not want to waste things, he should have an interest in keeping food and beverages safely at the dining table. You might point out this discrepancy.
But while Miss Manners generally agrees that guests’ comfort takes precedence over rugs and furniture, she has her limits, and they usually apply to children.
Just because they want to jump on the furniture and throw things in the house does not mean it should be allowed. A reiteration of that, and your other house rules, is reasonable and warranted.
As for the displacement of your daughter-in-law, that might better be left to their family. You could try saying loudly, “Margo, wouldn’t you prefer to sleep on the bed? I’m sure the kids won’t mind the cot. It will be like sleepaway camp.”
Incidentally, they may soon find out that sleepaway camp has so many rules, they’ll long for the simpler ones at Grandma’s house.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of my boyfriend posted a years-old photo of a bunch of their friends, and she tagged one person as a way of saying “happy birthday.”
The photo included my boyfriend and his then-girlfriend. Their breakup was very hard on him, which everyone knows. Everyone also knows he is doing well now, and has been in a relationship with me for three years.
My boyfriend pointed out the photo to me because he didn’t want me to find it on my own and feel badly about it. I was just hoping it didn’t make him too sad.
Was it tacky or thoughtless for his friend to post that photo? For some reason, it really got under my skin.
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GENTLE READER: It is gracious of your boyfriend to be worried about your reaction — and you, his. So while we are being gracious, why not assume that this friend was just being careless and did not intend harm?
Miss Manners suggests you chalk it up to the difficulty of finding nostalgic photos that are also up-to-date on current relationships — and refrain from letting your anger fester any more than it has already.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
