DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m worried about my husband. We recently moved to a new town for my job, and I can tell he’s having a hard time adjusting.
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We lived in our previous town for 15 years, and now we’re halfway across the country.
While I knew the transition would be difficult, I don’t think either of us fully realized just how much it would affect him.
He misses his family deeply, and not having that familiar support system nearby has been tough. He’s always been a social person, and in our old town, he had built strong friendships and routines that gave him a sense of belonging. Here, he feels isolated, and even though we’ve been trying to meet new people, it’s just not the same. I can see how much he’s struggling.
On top of that, he had to start a new job when we moved, and he’s not happy. He took the first opportunity he could find, and it’s not the right fit for him. Unfortunately, despite applying to other positions, he hasn’t been able to find anything better yet.
Between his dissatisfaction at work and his loneliness outside of it, I worry about how all of this is affecting his overall well-being.
How can I help him adjust and feel more at home in our new town?
— Fish Out of Water
DEAR FISH OUT OF WATER: In the short term, invite friends from your old town to come visit. Bring some familiarity and love into your new space so that your husband can relax and see that he can have fun there.
You can also plan a visit to your old town to spend time with loved ones. Feeling homesick can be difficult, and a quick and sincere hug from old friends can go a long way.
Next, think about hobbies that might interest your husband. Encourage him to get busy by becoming active in local events, going to the gym, volunteering for community organizations — something that will take his mind off of his problems and put him in the company of other people.
It takes focused and consistent effort to build relationships in a new place. Keep reinforcing the positive and encouraging patience.
DEAR HARRIETTE: This message is regarding the letter from the devoted church member who regularly drives churchgoers to events but was publicly chastised when he couldn’t one day.
I am a retired minister, and your response to the driver could have been handled in a much different way.
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Instead of dragging an already overworked minister into the middle of this, the best answer is for the driver to talk to the lady herself and tell her to stop talking bad about him. This is the scriptural way of handling issues in the church.
If the lady refuses to stop talking bad, then get the minister involved.
— A Pastor
DEAR A PASTOR: Thank you for sharing your view on this. Going directly to a person who is challenging you is certainly a courageous way of addressing a concern. I suppose even if the negative chatter has made it through the congregation, changed behavior on the part of the woman in question may help to quiet things down.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
