DEAR HARRIETTE: My 7-year-old daughter’s hamster died last night, and my husband wanted to go buy a new one that looked exactly like her old one so she wouldn’t notice that he had died.
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I said that this is a ridiculous idea; our daughter needs to learn how to deal with situations in life that make her sad.
We ended up arguing about it because he thinks she’s too young to handle grief, while I believe shielding her from it will make things harder in the long run.
I want to help my daughter process the loss in a healthy way by talking about it and allowing her to grieve, but my husband insists that sparing her the sadness is the kinder approach.
I know this is just a small pet, but I feel like how we handle this moment could shape how she learns to cope with loss in the future.
How do we navigate this as parents? Should we have replaced the hamster, or should we guide her through this difficult moment?
— Dealing With Death
DEAR DEALING WITH DEATH: So many people are so far removed from the cycle of life and death as part of our existence that parents often encounter situations like this.
I see both of your points on this, but I agree with you: Children do need to learn about these blunt facts of life. Yes, your child will be sad to learn that the pet died, but then you can talk about life and death and how long animals usually live. You can discuss feelings and loss in simple ways that your child will understand.
The bigger issue here, though, is getting on the same page as your husband. Keep talking to him until you can reach a consensus.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I broke up with my girlfriend six months ago because we would get into small arguments about every little thing. It caused a lot of tension, and eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore.
I thought I had moved on from her, but recently, I saw her holding hands with another man, and I lost it.
I couldn’t tell if I was angry that she had moved on from me or if I wasn’t over her.
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Since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. Part of me wonders if I made a mistake by ending things, but another part of me remembers how exhausting our constant arguments were. I don’t know if I’m feeling jealous, if my ego is bruised or if this means I still have real feelings for her.
Should I try to reach out to her, or is this just my heart playing tricks on me? How do I know if I truly miss her or just the idea of being with her?
— Spotted My Ex
DEAR SPOTTED MY EX: Chalk it up to an ego bruise, and keep moving. Your ex seems to be happy with someone else. Let her be. Focus on the future.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
