DEAR ABBY: I have four living siblings, all of us in our 60s. Our parents and grandparents have passed.
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When we were living at home, holidays were special and celebrated on the actual day. Once we moved away and started families of our own, it became difficult to get together every year on the exact date of the holiday.
Some of us remained single; others wanted to spend the day with in-laws or at home with spouses and children. Now our grandchildren and their families have been added to the mix. We still wanted to get together, so some years we gather on the actual holiday and some years on a day or weekend before or after. This seemed like a great compromise.
Thirty years ago, one of our siblings decided that he wouldn’t join us for any holidays, including birthdays, unless they were celebrated on the exact day.
With different work schedules, travel and other family obligations, accommodating the wishes of the one sibling has been impractical. We have missed him greatly over the years as we continue gathering to celebrate as a family.
How can we convince our missing sibling to join us for holidays whenever we are able to get together as a family versus him staying home alone?
— MOURNING IN MINNESOTA
DEAR MOURNING: When the family gathers, call and FaceTime your absent sibling so he can see the merriment he is missing. Tell him you wish he could be there celebrating with you.
However, after 30 years of self-imposed exile, do not expect him to change his pattern, because it’s unlikely to happen.
DEAR ABBY: My relationship with my partner hasn’t been the greatest, but we are both working on ourselves to become better partners.
Recently, I found out he has been texting another female (flirting). He 100% swore to me nothing more has happened besides the texting. He claims he likes the attention. This other woman knows he’s in a relationship.
How can I move forward from this?
Before I found out, things were starting to get better. Now I’m not sure how to feel. I want to move past this, but I’m hurting. Help!
— TAKEN ABACK IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TAKEN ABACK: I understand that you are hurting, and I am sincerely sorry. Your partner has some serious flaws that you shouldn’t take lightly.
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First, he is so insecure that he needs constant validation that he’s attractive — more validation than one woman can give him. Shovel as fast as you could, and you probably would never be able to fill that hole.
Second, he may also have an honesty problem.
While I don’t usually advise readers to contact the “other woman,” in your case, if you do, you may learn enough to decide whether it would be in your best interest to move on.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
