DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a small destination wedding at a nice, but not top-of-the-line, resort. All guests but one had a lovely time.
Related Articles
Miss Manners: The other diners were pointing at us. How should I have handled it?
Miss Manners: Must I comply with my roommate’s demand of complete silence?
Miss Manners: Her golf outfit makes everyone uncomfortable
Miss Manners: I want to twit these men, but I can’t find the right gloves
Miss Manners: It bothered me to see the pie just sitting there
The one unhappy guest usually travels to nicer resorts. We discussed this in advance, and I gave her several opportunities to decline, with the understanding that this may not be her usual cup of tea.
She came anyway and was unhappy and unpleasant the whole time. She spit out food at our cocktail hour, left the reception to eat elsewhere, described the spa as torture, and even insulted my groom and what he was wearing several times.
I’m not sure why she wanted us to feel bad at our wedding, but she sure used a lot of poor manners to show how superior she was to us.
Now I have to send a thank-you note for her presence (no gift, as it was a destination), but I’m struggling to find sincere words of appreciation as I think it would have been better if she hadn’t come at all. Any ideas?
GENTLE READER: As much as she hates to discourage a thank-you letter, Miss Manners is pleased to tell you that one for mere attendance at a wedding is not necessary.
Of course, your unhappy and unkind guest may disagree. But clearly she is used to being disappointed.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a journalist. The other day, I noticed a typo in an online headline from another outlet, so I made some calls to see if I could notify them. I was unsuccessful.
Eventually, I posted on social media that they should fix it.
I only meant for the post to be up an hour or so, but I got busy and forgot to take it down.
My supervisor (another journalist) sent me a note that my post was unprofessional and embarrassing to the other outlet. (We all follow one another.) She wants to meet with me to discuss it.
To be honest, I do not see the problem at all.
We should all be held accountable for mistakes made, especially as professional writers and journalists. Why should they get a pass for their error? No one would think twice about telling me to correct something.
What are your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: What you did, it seems to Miss Manners, was the professional equivalent of telling someone publicly that they have spinach in their teeth, rather than the more polite act of doing it discreetly.
Related Articles
Dear Abby: I discovered his lies, and he wants me to act like nothing happened
Ask Amy: What if the young stepmother thinks we owe her?
Harriette Cole: I can’t shake my embarrassment over how I behaved with this man
Miss Manners: The other diners were pointing at us. How should I have handled it?
Dear Abby: I’m 18, and my dad says I’m partly to blame for the divorce
If there had been a factual error, you would have had a better case. But publicly pointing out a typo — especially from a competitive news source — looks petty.
This is quite a different thing from your own editors’ correcting your copy. That is their actual job.
Therefore, Miss Manners is inclined to agree with your supervisor. And she will do you the favor of not questioning your journalistic abilities further by asking how difficult it could possibly be to find the other outlet’s copy editor. Instead, she will strongly suggest that next time, you try harder — or let it go.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
