DEAR HARRIETTE: I have started going to therapy, which I know is good for me. I have been dealing with a lot of pent-up issues in my life that seem to be going nowhere.
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I told myself that I was coming to therapy to resolve some of my issues, but now I realize how scary that is.
I have complained for a very long time about certain aspects of my life, especially about how my husband and I interact. I have asked him to go to therapy with me for years. He has refused. I feel guilty for not being able to make things better between us.
Now the therapist is telling me that I have to accept that there is nothing I can do to change him. Instead, I need to decide what I want and need and create a plan to make that happen.
She didn’t tell me to leave him. She actually didn’t tell me to do anything specific. Instead, she just said I have to decide what I will do for myself — and then do it.
I’m scared to face this. Should I stop going to therapy if I’m not ready to deal with the tough stuff?
— Scared
DEAR SCARED: Please stay in therapy. Tell your therapist what you just told me.
Talk about your fears and how they are stopping you in your tracks. Explore your sense of powerlessness and what that means for you. Do your best to be as honest as possible in exploring your feelings, your actions and your inaction.
Allow the therapist to help you explore your life. Give yourself time to make decisions about the future. You need not be in a rush.
DEAR HARRIETTE: As summer approaches and another school year passes, my kids are now 11 and 13 years old. I can’t believe how fast time is going; it seems that just yesterday, they were babies.
With each passing year, I’m increasingly aware of how precious these moments are, and I want to make the most of the time I have with them while they’re still young. As they grow older, I know they’ll become more independent and our family dynamic may change.
Therefore, I’m seeking advice on how to create meaningful bonding experiences with my children during the summer months, as I only have so many summers left when they’ll be young enough to fully enjoy these moments together.
During the school year, my children are so busy with extracurriculars that I feel like I hardly ever see them.
What are some creative and engaging activities or outings that we can do as a family to create lasting memories?
— Making Memories
DEAR MAKING MEMORIES: Research fun summer activities in your area. These can include classics like botanical gardens, museums with exhibitions tailored to children their age or outdoor adventures like ziplining, rock climbing, canoeing, etc.
Many of these activities are free or low-cost. The ones with a price can be figured into your summer budget.
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As you go on these adventures with your children, plan with them so that they are fully invested and excited. Consider allowing them to invite friends to join some of your exploits.
By all means, document what you do. Take pictures. Make postcards to send to the grandparents. Do things in the aftermath that require all of you to pause and remember the experience you just had. Put those memories into a scrapbook that you can revisit in the future.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
