DEAR HARRIETTE: How can I politely decline social invitations without hurting the feelings of friends who may not understand my need for personal time and space?
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I often find myself choosing between prioritizing self-care and maintaining social connections, especially when feeling exhausted and in need of solitude.
Most of my friends are extroverted, and they complain when I don’t attend events. As a people pleaser, communicating my boundaries and reasons for declining invitations can be challenging, as I don’t want to disappoint or offend my friends.
I’m seeking advice on what to do in another situation like this.
— In Need of Solitude
DEAR IN NEED OF SOLITUDE: You don’t have to explain. Just continue to politely decline invitations to events you don’t want to attend and happily accept the ones you choose.
Remain a mystery. That’s just fine!
DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 10 years old and is behind his peers academically.
His literacy and writing skills are not nearly where they are supposed to be, and I can’t afford to help him. I am a single mother working two jobs, so I am unable to practice these important skills with him, and I don’t have the money to hire extra help.
My son struggled with online learning during the pandemic, which is where his issues began, and he has been unable to catch up.
I thought it was his teacher’s responsibility to make sure that my son is ready to move on to the next grade, but we are based in Alabama where the education system is poorly funded.
I’ve noticed that his self-esteem has taken a hit because he recognizes that he is behind his classmates. He gets frustrated easily when trying to read or write, which only adds to his reluctance to practice these essential skills.
I try to encourage him as much as I can, but my availability is limited, and I fear that my efforts are not enough. How can I best support him given my limited time and financial constraints?
— Desperate for Help
DEAR DESPERATE FOR HELP: Clearly your son needs academic support. Even in Alabama, he should be able to get it.
You need to get him professionally evaluated to be able to pinpoint exactly what his deficiencies are. Start this process by contacting your school district and requesting an evaluation for your child. You might have to take off some hours from work to get through the process, but if your son is evaluated to need an individualized education program, your district will have to provide resources to support his development. Go here to learn more about how to sign up: childrensal.org/sites/default/files/workfiles/Clinical_Services/CBH/IEP_Info_Sheet-ENGLISH.pdf
If your child is identified as having a learning disability, you will receive a written diagnosis, and then you should receive guidance on next steps.
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According to the Alabama Parent Education Center, “An IEP is a written statement for a child with a disability that is developed, reviewed and revised in a meeting with an IEP team in compliance with IDEA (Individuals With Disabilities Education Act). The IEP is a written record of the decisions made by the IEP team. It further serves as a commitment to services needed to meet a student’s individual learning needs. … The IEP has two general purposes: 1. To establish measurable annual goals for the child and; 2. To state the special education and related services and supplementary aids and services that the school system will provide to the child.”
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
